"Hey" gets you nowhere. The best openers reference something specific from the other person's profile and invite a response that requires more than yes or no. Here are proven approaches for apps and in-person dates.
App Openers That Work
Comment on Their Profile
- "Your hiking photo is from [trail name]? I've been wanting to go — worth it?"
- "You listed [book/band/show] in your profile — what got you into it?"
- "Your answer to [Hinge prompt] made me laugh. Has that actually happened?"
Ask for an Opinion
- "Settle a debate: is a hot dog a sandwich?"
- "I'm trying to pick a restaurant for this weekend — team Italian or team Thai?"
- "What's the most underrated city you've visited?"
Playful Challenge
- "Your profile says you make great pasta. I make great sauce. Truce or competition?"
- "Three truths and a lie — I'll go first if you go second."
What NOT to Send
- "Hey" / "Hi" / "What's up" with nothing else
- Compliments focused only on physical appearance as the entire message
- Copy-paste messages that clearly go to everyone
- Overly sexual messages before any rapport is built
- Interrogation lists: "Where do you work? Where do you live? How old are you?"
First Date Conversation Topics
Move from light to deeper naturally:
Early (first 20 minutes)
- How did you get into [their hobby/job]?
- What's the best thing that happened to you this week?
- If you could travel anywhere tomorrow, where?
- What do you do to unwind after a long day?
Middle (building connection)
- What's something you're proud of that most people don't know about?
- Who in your life has influenced you the most?
- What does a perfect weekend look like for you?
Topics to Save for Later Dates
- Detailed ex-relationship history
- Politics and religion (unless dealbreakers for you)
- Specific financial details
- Heavy family trauma
Keeping Conversation Flowing
- Follow the thread: When they mention something interesting, ask about that — don't jump to a new topic
- Share reciprocally: Answer your own questions too. Conversation is exchange, not interview
- Use "tell me more": Three words that work in almost any conversation
- Embrace pauses: Not every second needs to be filled. Comfortable silence is a good sign
Related: Profile Tips · First Date Tips